I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
