the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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