roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
