My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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