How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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