New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
