dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
