i don't plan on having that self control this summer
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
