Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
