Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
