it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
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Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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