Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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