I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
