so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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