my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
