He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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