im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
is that a dick in a sweater?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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