Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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