As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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