one word: firstdatebathroomanal
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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