Im at strip club and am horny
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
No stitches, just platelets and will power
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
