i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
