i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
