You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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