And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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