Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
