i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
