Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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