When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
