the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
