can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
