Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
