sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
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We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
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I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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