I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
