CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
