Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
