Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
