There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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