you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
