Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
