shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
