i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
