you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
