well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
