I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
