It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This is my gift to your gina
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
