just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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