apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
