Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
