If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
