dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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