My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
