you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
