Porn is love you can see.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
