Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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