I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
