I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
