so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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