Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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