she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
