Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
