I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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