Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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