i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
