i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
