How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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