yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
