so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Don't make out with my wife yet
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
