HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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