It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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