im drinking this country out of the recession.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
